North of India

While in India, I've been to a number of places, but India is a big place, and it is hard to see everything. I was told to go up North to see new things, and my trip to Northern India began...or so I thought. I traveled for many days and nights, but I became lost early on in the journey. I have a really hard time asking for directions, as most American men do...which means I ploddingly moved by way of mental compass to the north. It started to become evident to me that my wayward path had gone wildly astray as the weather turned wet and cold. I didn't remember anything about wet and cold in the India travel books except perhaps in the Himalayas...had I gone that far off course. I continued forward until night fall, and I checked into a hotel which was over 15 stories high. Perhaps a view from high above would allow me to get my bearings.

 

It was really too dark to see anything at this point, but something didn't seem right. Where were all the billboards?

 

When the sun arose, I thought everything was good. I didn't see any big mountains. So, I wasn't in the Himalayas. The problem was that I still didn't know where I was. I waited for the sun to rise further, and perhaps I would see a land mark.

 

Once the sun peeked above the city landscape. I was a bit confused. There were not many cars on the road. The roads were in good condition, and people were riding bicycles everywhere instead of motorcycles. There were not three wheeled auto rickshaw death mobiles to be found anywhere. Pedestrians were crossing the street without fear of being run over by a large red government bus...what fantasy land was this. I zoomed my camera in further to get a closer look at the building in hopes for a clue.

 

O.K. Those are windmills in the background. I've never read about windmills in India, and that clock tower...how far off course was I. I guess now would be a good time to ask for directions. I went down to the hotel lobby, and asked the clerk where I was. He looked at me a little strange, and blinked his eyes while looking down at the floor with a confused look. I asked again, and he raised his head, while wearing squinty eyes and a very curious brow. He then said, "Sir, you are in Copenhagen." Hmmm...I don't remember a town in India called Copenhagen. I then asked, "Where is Copenhagen?". I believe he took a step backward at that point as the situation was getting very unsettling to him. "Sir, Copenhagen is in Denmark.". The clerk paused, and took a step forward, and then assertively said, "Next to Germany and Sweden.", as if to interrupt any more stupid questions I might have. At this point, I was a bit dumb founded. I knew I was a bit off course but how did I get all the way to Denmark. I thought about introducing a cover story about space aliens, but the clerk was already calling the local police for his own safety, and that's when I left to go outside to see if he was right or not.

 

This is the pic of the hotel, and it's called the Scandic. I wonder if that is shor t for Scandinavian - maybe the clerk was right. But then I ran across the "Irish Rover" pub. I wasn't in Ireland was I?

 

I then started to see pedestrians who all had blond hair and blue eyes. That means I was definitely not in India. I really did go to far north. But, all the way to Denmark...it can't be. I continue to look around the city.

I tried to talk to this guy, but he wouldn't stop playing his accordion. It did sound like polka, but that's Germany right?

There was a bull a top this building, but what country has pastel colors with bulls. Spain doesn't do that.

I think this was a science experiment gone terribly awry, but the building is great. Maybe I was in England. When I went a little further I found this canal.

O.K. Either the clerk was right, and I am really in Denmark, or I discovered a long lost ancient European city in Pakistan. If I discovered a long lost European city in Iran, I'd be killed because they would not want anyone to know about their Euro Envy....so with that logic, I must be in Denmark.

Since I'm in Copenhagen, I might as well take advantage of it, and take some pics.

Here is another canal. I guy in the bottom right seemed to be following me around a lot, and he was constantly looking at his cell phone. Perhaps he was waiting for a call or trying to find a good signal. I kept my eye on him in case he was one of those sneaky Denmark pick pockets we have all heard about.

Another guy asked me to take his photo in this shot, but he is not there. Either I imagined this person or I used the wrong camera.

This is proof to my India colleagues that there isn't much traffic in Denmark - notice how the people are walking on the road and not looking for large red busses. I'm sure they think I've doctored the photos though.

In Denmark, bicycles have the right of way over cars and pedestrians. This was a bit of a shock as I was almost run over a couple of times on the numerous bike routes which are everywhere. These bicyclists are bloody and ruthless, and they wield their power with ultimate authority. The bicycle in the bottom left of the picture with the brown basket attached had a freshly severed head in it. After feeling sick to my stomach, I could not help but notice it was the head of a taxi driver that forgot the "rules of the road" in Denmark.

This is a park with some rides, but they are going broke because the three people standing outside are the only customers, and they are stuck in the middle of the square because they are afraid of the bicycle crossing zone of death.

This is a great building. It's unfortunate that there are no people in Denmark to appreciated it. I should also note that the blue bicycle lane was really stained blood red. I changed it blue in PhotoShop to keep people from getting sick. I also removed a few beheaded corpses which were mashed by the numerous mountain bikes...and yea...it smelled bad too.

Yes, those are inflatable head phones attached to a tower. Yes, I thought I was not in Denmark, but completely delusional. Apparently there was a week long music festival going on, and I was not invited...how rude.

These are not real people but manikins. They are of course taxed  50% like all the other non-living people in Denmark.

This is a bull with it's head diving into a serpent of some kind. It scared the pigeons, but not the guy just left of the statue. It's the same guy who was staring at his cell phone. I really think he is following me, and I'm getting a little scared.

This shot is for my Grandfather who is the "Clockmaker of the Ozarks". He like clocks, and they are all over Denmark.

One of the reason for the lack of people in Denmark is not only the beheading bicyclists, but these creatures are running around without a leash. They only seem to eat over paid union workers. So, I was safe taking this pic...and no, this union worker did not make it up the ladder in time. Like most union workers, he was to slow or his union card only allowed him to climb ladders very slowly.

I eventually reached a central square with a nice fountain in it.

On closer inspection of the fountain, there is something coming out of the woman's 2 nipples at the top of the fountain. I guess that would explain the foam in the pool below.

Here you go Grandpa, More clocks. I guess wrist watches are too expense in Denmark, and they need clock everywhere.

This brown building is a bank - it's empty. The white building is a hospital for pedestrians who try to walk across the bicycle lanes - it's full.

It looks like I found some real people hiding away in an obscure alley way. I think they all owed tax to the government as they looked very paranoid and edgy.

Yes, this architecture goes on and on and on. Amazing isn't it.

Yep, it just keeps going.

No, it doesn't stop here.

I feel like I'm being brain washed. Go to Denmark. Go to Denmark. You will go to Denmark and spend all your money. Go to Denmark.

This was an entrance to a park where people never seem to walk on the grass. I think it costs more if you do that.

This is the middle of the park. Which is fairly large, and nobody seems to want to use it. There are no bicycles here, and therefore I expected there would be lots of people and vendors selling hot dogs in a loaf of bread...or whatever they call it. I then realized all of this was someone's front lawn.

I guess we know where all the Denmark tax money goes. This palace\castle has a moat and armed guards carrying M-16 type rifles. Since I wasn't a citizen from Denmark and I don't pay Denmark taxes, they had nothing to fear from me. So, they let me walk around.

And my favorite pic...

All of this walking has made me hungry. I headed to one of the oldest restaurants in Copenhagen called "Det Lille Apotek". The stalker guy who was following me all day, was still hot on my heals. I thought I would play a trick on him, and so I headed into the restaurant. The stalker guy walked in behind me as I expected. When the waiter asked how many, I said two, and the stalker guy looked a bit stunned. He didn't know what to do, but followed waiter to a table. My plan was working well. I started a conversation with the stalker guy to try an convince him I was a lonely tourist in a foreign land who was looking for someone to talk to over dinner. When I told him I was paying, his tensions eased, and he sat back relaxed and ordered a Apotek beer. We chatted for a while, and the stalker guy didn't seem that bad of a person, but I don't like being stalked. So, after dinner I told him I was going to the restroom. When I got to the restroom, there was a small window open to the street above as the restaurant was in a half basement. I opened the window and crawled out leaving the bill to be paid by the stalker guy. I felt a little bad afterward because who know what first century tortures would by applied to the stalker guy - I was in Denmark after all.

I did manage to get a pic of the restaurant. So, if you are a family member of the stalker guy, his remains are probably in the vicinity.

Now that I've walked and eaten in Denmark, and seen what a high taxed society is like...people in constant fear of bicyclists, great architecture that nobody can afford to look at, parks that nobody can afford to walk in, and a country nobody can afford to live in...it was time to go back to the hotel and try to get out of paying the bill which I could not afford to pay.

Here is the room in case you are curious.

 

The view was great...if one could afford to look at it.

 

On the way back to my Hotel, there were police cars around the building with a few snipers on the roof tops, I quickly turned the opposite direction, and I started to head south as the government of Denmark didn't really want me in their country anymore. I guess it all worked out. I missed North India by a smudge, and now that I'm heading south again. I think I might ask for directions a couple of times. I think life becomes to risky if you don't ask for directions from time to time.